Monday, September 5, 2011

Prologue of a Story I'm Working On (PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Give Criticism)

Hello Everyone!
I'm working on a story called "Archers of the Sky". Here is the prologue. (PLEASE give criticism).


Tarice was sitting cross-legged, hovering ever so slightly above the ground, eyes closed in deep thought.
Suddenly, an image burst clear into her head; A tall, skinny girl, with waist-length black hair running through the woods, panting.
Tarice opened her eyes and gasped. She fell over backwards, knocking over a chair. For a moment, she was so shocked, she couldn’t breathe.
Hurried footsteps sounded outside the door. Someone knocked.
“Tarice? Tarice! Are you ok?” the voice called.
Tarice sat up slowly and finally caught her breath. The door opened as she stood up and placed the chair back where it belonged.
“Tarice?” The girl walked in with a worried expression. “Are you ok?”
“I’m fine, Lydia,” Tarice said. “Just a little stunned, that’s all.”
“What is it?” She asked. She seemed curious.
“I haven’t sensed anything for some time. But now, I have.”
Lydia gasped and clapped her hand to her mouth.
“Are you sure?” She asked excitedly. “We haven’t had a trainee for ages. So many humans have lost the will to believe.”
Tarice nodded. “I’m sure. I was meditating when the image flashed in my mind. There is a girl in Virginia who deep down believes.”
Tarice looked straight into Lydia’s eyes.
“Lydia, I need you to alert the Queen right away. We can’t let the Storm Archers find this girl. Her power seems much stronger than other trainees in the past. Go.”
“Right away, Tarice.” Lydia hurried out of the room.
Tarice looked out the window into the stormy sky.
“She may be our only hope.”


the emily said...

Wow! I don't think I have any criticisms. I'm intrigued and really want to read more!

The Magic Violinist said...

I can send it to you by e-mail once I finish it.

Zelia said...

Great beginning. No criticism here but I want to read the rest of the story when it is finished.
You have a very vivid mind... I love your stories. They need to be published.

Carla said...

WOW! that is amazing, no critisims. You are going to be published. I would read your book.

The Magic Violinist said...

Hey, Carla! Thanks for commenting! I'm glad you found my blog. I like your blog, too. How did you find my blog? I'm trying to figure out how I know you.