So I'm taking this fantastic online poetry course from the University of Iowa called #Flashwrite. I'm two weeks in and already seeing a big difference, which is exciting because poetry has always felt like my weak point. But I'm having tons of fun with it. :) I thought I'd share the poems I've been working on since taking the course and ask if you have any advice for me, too. The first is from the week on imagery and the second is from the figurative language lessons.
Worn Tires on a Lonely Highway
Classic rock crackles through a bad connection,
Poor enough to annoy but just good enough not to turn off.
He's been driving for hours,
And the deep purple bags under once bright green eyes tell you
He's exhausted.
But the road is long and endless,
Pavement smooth and grey,
Double yellow lines faded to a ghost of a guideline.
It'd be so easy to veer off to the other side,
But he keeps on driving.
The rumble of the engine became your lullaby,
The smell of cheap gas station coffee and
Greasy bacon cheeseburgers from the sketchy diner with broken AC
Your fragrance of choice.
Motel carpets that used to be green are now brown,
So you don't take your shoes off even when you crawl between wrinkled sheets,
But the sound of his snoring still sings you to sleep.
Morning comes early,
And it's back on that lonely highway,
Just the two of you up front and an empty backseat.
Two brothers,
One car,
All the days to keep on fighting.
Lila
She is an angel of the underworld,
Too good for dark but
Too dark for good.
She is lost,
Like a cat that roams the neighborhood streets,
Perching only for a night on wicker porch furniture,
Never staying in one place long enough to watch the sun set and then
Rise on a new day.
She is thirsty,
Parched lips and dry tongue yearning
For the wetness and satisfaction of feeling
Her skin brush that of another
Who knows what it's like to be cold
Even in the thick oppression of August's rays.
She is broken,
Made up of shattered shards of mistakes she
Glued back together but in the wrong places with "what if"s and
"Could have been"s and the
Glittering promise of redemption she chased for years,
Like a mirage on the desert horizon.
Instead of water she found dust
And rust
And lust for a pinch to pull her from this nightmare she mistakenly called
Hope.
She is the hitchhiker on the side of a highway.
She is rain on campfires.
She is the back corner of a garage where you store your
Forgotten notebooks and bicycles with flat tires.
She is a moonless night,
She is melting wax,
She is shame
And blame
And self-inflicted pain,
But most of all,
She is.
What did you think? Is there anything I can do to improve either one of them? If you'd like, you can share some of your poetry in the comments. I'd love to read it!
Saturday, April 16, 2016
Two Poems
Labels:
poem,
The Magic Violinist,
writing
I am 21-year-old author, actress, daydreamer, voracious reader, introvert, klutz, fangirl, and overuser of tape. I love the impossible (which might explain my obsessions with YA novels) but I dip into the real world . . . occasionally. I’m a big fan of dogs, Broadway musicals, and bittersweet endings. When I'm not hunched over a laptop writing a new story, you can find me onstage in whatever theatrical production I've allowed to take over my life. I am a contributor to the “Fauxpocalypse” anthology and the author of “Instructions for Flight” and “Ghost Light,” both collections of poetry. You can follow me on Twitter and Instagram at @KateIFoley.
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8 comments:
Thanks for a lovely site information....
The University of Iowa, huh? Maybe I'll have to look into their writing courses... ;)
Loved your poems! :D
Poetry's my weak spot too. ;) Love the way you played with all five senses in the first one - Was it inspired by Supernatural by any chance?
Great poems. I'm really impressed by the imagery you bring out in your work. I'm also slightly "concerned" about the anguish that seems to come through. Is everything okay? ;) Seriously, great work. I'm excited to see what else you create during the course.
I like your poems, but I do have one piece of advice, which I hope you don't mind me giving. This is the first time I've visited your site and I find the cramped nature of your blog almost claustrophobic. You have masses of white space either side, yet your blog columns are tiny by comparison and crammed in. This can easily be fixed by going into your "advanced" settings and changing the column width. I can assure you it will make for much more comfortable reading and your writing will benefit from it.
@nevillegirl Thank you! :) Hehe, you definitely should. I'm taking another one from them soon because I liked the first one so much!
@Rain Thanks! Maybe we can work on that together. ;) And it was! Most of my poems are "fictionalized." It's easier for me to write about other characters, whether they already exist in some universe or if I made them up.
@Dr. Mark Thank you! No reason to worry, it's all brought out through the characters. ;P I'm really happy with all the poems I wrote during the course. It'll be fun to workshop them in this next one.
@Em Louise Fairley Thank you for pointing that out! There was actually a glitch in the settings that's been fixed now, so I'm glad you said something. :)
I knew that first one was Supernatural-inspired. ;)
I like this line in the second one: "Too good for dark but
Too dark for good."
And I like the rhetoric and rhythm of this part: "Instead of water she found dust
And rust
And lust . . . "
And all that imagery about what she is - wow. Such great lines - rain on campfire, back corner of the garage . . . ugh, so much conveyed pain in those lines. Well done!
@Boquinha Good eye. ;)
Thank you! Ha, that was actually a line I edited after our lesson in rhetoric, so I'm glad it stood out!
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